Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Asshole Face

When I first started my old blog, I started it for two reasons:

Reason #1: I bought an engagement ring for Merkin, and I was super nervous, and my goal was to write about my nervousness.

Reason #2: I was bored.

It turned out that shortly after starting my blog, after spending hours that turned into days that turned into two weeks planning on how to propose to Merkin, that I just proposed to her in our bedroom. No lasers were involved which makes me sad, but hey, I might get a second chance. More on that later. Anyway, so I started writing about other stuff that happened in my life. I guess, when I first started, I was sort of an asshole blogger in that I talked about weird/stupid people that I've known throughout my life. I once had this extremely long post about exes which I might write again if I get so bored. That one wasn't that mean, in fact, it just made me look dumb for having dated the kind of girls that I've dated.

But one ex had a special 3-part post written about her. It started off mean, but when it all winded down, I think I wrote it in a way that made you feel sorry for her and made you understand all of her crazy. And I ended up feeling bad about myself for having dated her for about two years, but that's okay. I learned an important lesson and that was to not just date someone because you feel bad for them.

The reason I'm bringing this up is because I'm going to do something very assholey. I'm going to repost a message she sent me on myspace when we first started dating. Why? Because I'm in an asshole mood, AND I personally find it funny but very sad for more reasons than her terrible grammar.

Before I post, I should fill in the new readers who probably haven't read my older posts on my old blog.

What drove her to write me this message was because at this point, we had been dating for about two weeks. During that time, I learned a few things about her, and about how crappy other dudes she'd dated had treated her like shit. I figured that I should do something nice for the girl, so I made her a mix CD (remember those?) and wrote her a letter. I forget what the letter said, but it was probably something along the lines of, "You deserve to have...blah blah blah."

In turn, she wrote me this gem back, via Myspace.

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: her
Date: Feb 10, 2006 11:58 PM

hey did you get this lik huge email i wrote you?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: me
Date: Feb 11, 2006 1:30 AM

No....what did it say?

----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: her
Date: Feb 11, 2006 9:20 AM

r u serious! gay.. okay well.. i didnt kno that u wrote me a letter right so when i got home i opened the cd case and i saw it.. so i started readin it.. and i started crying.. lol that was the sweetest letter i hav ever gotten lik seriously no one has ever said anything to me even close to that! lik wow and how you went about the whole thing.. lik the rose and the cd with love songs on it that u said reminded you of me.. lik that is seriously lik my dream gift that i wanted from a guy! wow i was so amazed.. lik i sat and thought about it for lik an hour.. and wow i love you so much!!!! you are sucha sweet person serioulsy!!! and ahh i really dont want you to leave me.! but yeah wow i just want you to kno how much i care about you and how much i love you and how much that letter and everything you do fo me means to me!!!!! ive never had someone be as nice as you are and i thank you for that!!! i love you more than you kno!! theres sonethings about me that you dont kno but if you did u would c how much we hav in common.. lik with the passed and everything.. but yeah i love you forever and ever!!!!!!

Man, I'm such an asshole...I'm not even going to try to redeem myself for posting that not once, but TWICE (previously posted on my old blog)!

So what does that have to do with anything?

I don't know. I'm kind of feeling like an asshole.

Actually, there was a point to that, but I just got bombarded with crap to do. Eventually, it was going to tie back to how Merkin and I are back together (in my head, it was really deep and artistic), but I guess that's going to be a post for another day! Work is stupid!

Saturday, January 15, 2011

I Suck At This Game

I miss the days when I was able to dick around at work. It used to be absolutely amazing to me just how fast time flew when I was able to dick around. You want to know why I can't dick around at work? Because I was arrested a couple months ago after opening up a can of whoop-ass on some turd at a bar, and I was almost fired, but they were like, "No! If we fire him, then we're totally low on the Asian quota for the year! We must keep him, but let's always be on his case about shit, and maybe he'll quit!*" Guess what, Microsoft? I'm not going to quit because I like the money you pay me, and looking for other jobs is tough.

*There is a surprisingly low number of Asian people in my department, which is weird, because I'm a software designer.

However, back in those days, I literally spent about two to three hours reading other peoples' blogs, and commenting on their posts like a good blogger should. So yeah, I feel bad that I haven't been doing that, and my excuse is that my bosses are always on my case about one thing or another. Well, the bottom line is, I'm REALLY sorry that I haven't been reading up on your blog (if you have one). I swear to you that I will one of these days.


I'm stuck in a pickle, you guys, and I don't really have anyone in real life to talk about this because most of my friends are either gay or Merkin's friends, so they always tend to side with Merkin. I could call up some of my old friends, but the last time I talked to them, they just told me to start doing drugs again, or they asked me if they can borrow some money.

The pickle that I'm stuck in is that I've started watching Jersey Shore.

Fine, that's not the pickle I'm stuck in, but yeah, I watch Jersey Shore now. I'm surprised I haven't watched it earlier because that is quite possibly the funniest show I've ever seen. But I digress.

I met a girl. I have yet to give this girl a cool nickname, so for now, let's call her Erika because that's what her name is. I actually met her a long time ago because she used to be an intern. She started working full time for us around October, and we're working together on a project for the stupid Windows 7 phone that I'm sure everyone hates.

I'm a procrastinator. I feel that most of my best work is done at the last minute. Because of this, Erika and I would talk about things other than our work. It started with her saying that she saw The Social Network and saying that she really liked it, and I replied with, "Is that the movie with the kid from Zombie Land? The poor man's Michael Cera?" And somehow that got us talking about movies and she let me borrow some of her movies and I let her borrow some of mine, and yeah...you know how those things go.

Anyway, so Erika and I have gone out a few times. Even though I wanted to, I haven't done anything with her because there's this voice in my head that's like, "MERKIN! REMEMBER HER?!" Like last night, Erika invited me to her house, right? And we ate food, and we were supposed to watch a movie, but I ended up teaching her how to play the guitar. It was a good ol' time. We talked, we laughed, and I made her cry because I told her that she sucks at guitar. The last part's not true...except that she really does suck at guitar and she wasted a good amount of money on a shitty one, but again, I digress. The night ended with us making out a bit before I remembered about Merkin, and I felt super guilty, and I was like, "Thanks for the food. It was good!"

I got home, I told Merkin about what happened, and even though I could tell that she wasn't happy about it, she didn't say anything. Since I felt like a turd, I slept on the couch. Now my neck hurts, and I'm confused because I want to get back together with Merkin but Erika's also really cool and pretty hot. Both women are out of my league and I honestly think that there must be something wrong with them if they think spending time with me is fun.

Anyway, I've got some stuff I gotta figure out.

I wish LOST was still on.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Excuse Me While I Ponder

Awhile ago, I went to see Black Swan, which was a pretty awesome movie. It reminded me a lot about the days when I was a ballet dancer. It was a very competitive time for me, but not only that, it was super hard as well. Okay, I was never a dancer. I'm not even one of those goddamn B-Boyz, either, which is another thing to add on my: "Worst Asian Ever" list. Anyway, so Natalie Portman is pretty hot, right? You'd think that I'd get all turned on by the girl on girl sex scenes and the scene where she masturbates but stops when she sees her mom sleeping in her room (creepy), but honestly, I just found myself squirming and clenching my butt cheeks like crazy.

I don't know what that has to do with anything, but I just felt that I had to share.

Merkin and I watched that movie Easy-A last night. It's funny, because back when I was a youngin', I used to think Amanda Bynes was the hottest chick ever. But now...not so much. I could get into detail about why I don't think she's hot anymore, but I'm going to be a gentleman about it and just say that she resembles a balloon tied to a string. Maybe she has allergy problems or something that causes her cheeks to swell to the size of mini watermelons? I don't know, and it's not my place to judge.

But speaking of women, and Easy-A, I'm quite attracted to that Emma Stone chick. It's weird, because I'm 90% sure that if she wasn't in all of these awesomely hilarious movies like Superbad, and Zombie Land, and I saw her walking down the street, I wouldn't even do a double take. It makes me wonder if I was famous, would people find me hot? It's something to ponder about, don't you think? I mean, I have a bunch of screenplay ideas, and maybe I can be like Sly Stallone when he wrote Rocky, and only sell those screenplays as long as I could be the lead actor. But then, has any woman every found Sly Stallone attractive? There's something else to ponder.

Well, I hope you kids had a fun, safe, holidays! Seriously, I have nothing to write about. I feel bad because there are people actually following me now.